


Human Intelligence

by misura



Category: American Idol RPF
Genre: Community: kradamadness, M/M, Robots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-10-30
Updated: 2010-10-30
Packaged: 2017-11-01 23:48:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/362653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"Well, I was in Japan, you know," Adam says, all fake casual, like people bring home robot butlers from Japan all the time.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Human Intelligence

Afterwards, Kris isn't entirely sure why it seemed like a good idea to drop by Adam's mansion without calling first - Adam's not even there nine times out of ten, and it's not like Kris lives right next door or anything - but for some reason, on an afternoon when his personal planner says he's supposed to be looking at autumn leaves for inspiration (he thought it might be cool five months ago?), he packs up his guitar and his notebook and he goes for a drive, and he ends up at Adam's place.

If Kris believed in the kind of God who hits people over the head with flashy neon signs, he might have considered this outcome significant.

As it is, Kris believes God is in the little things, the small stuff - the details, yes. (He knows that when people put it like that, they don't usually mean it the way he does, but it's still true.) So what if Kris ends up at Adam's place when he happens to get bored in LA? It's not like he knows a lot of other people here well enough to drop by unannounced.

The doorbell plays the first few bars from some song that's on Adam's new album, which is just so incredibly _cheesy_ Kris figures he'll still be teasing Adam about it by this time next year. The lyrics haven't quite gotten stuck in his head yet - he's been trying to be good, and also: it's sort of hard to write new material when you've got another guy's songs stuck in your head.

When the door actually opens, Kris sort of expects to see someone he doesn't know. Adam still makes friends easily and with an enthusiasm Kris finds a little daunting. (It's not as if Kris finds it _hard_ to meet new people, but he's always thinking about how much time and effort it's going to cost to stay in touch, and it's not that he doesn't think a good friendship's worth all that, in the end - it's more that he feels like it's not quite fair to make friends when you already know you're not going to be around a lot.)

He doesn't really expect to see Adam, not when Kris hasn't even called ahead.

As it turns out, Kris is both wrong and right in his expectations, because the person opening the door is not Adam, but it's not someone Kris doesn't know, either.

In fact, it's someone he's supposed to know rather well.

"Oh shit," says Kris. Standing in the doorway.

"Um," says Kris. Staring at himself and wondering if this is some kind of weird dream and, if it is, what the message his subconscious is trying to get to him is.

 

Once he's inside, Kris decides he's probably not dreaming, because by then, he's pinched his arm about half a dozen times without waking up. The other Kris has offered to take first his coat, then his guitar case, both of which Kris has stubbornly refused to relinquish.

"Is Adam home?" he asks, not sure what answer he wants to hear.

"Yes?" the other Kris says, like he's not entirely sure. "He's - "

"Kris!" Adam's joked once that the stairways in the hall are excellent for making a slow, dramatic entrance. Right now, he's rushing down at a speed that has Kris a little worried about Adam maybe slipping and ending up breaking a leg or something.

"I figured you wouldn't mind if I came over. Of course, if I'd known I was already here ... " Kris hopes his grin is convincing and doesn't make him look like what he really wants to do right now is grab Adam's shoulders and shake him until this whole situation starts making some sense.

"Ha, ha," Adam says in a tone that makes it clear he doesn't really think it's funny.

Kris casually walks a bit closer to the stairway. "Mind telling me what's going on here?"

"It's not what it looks like!" Adam says, slowing down a bit - staying just out of grabbing reach, Kris can't help but notice. "I mean, I can totally explain!"

Kris can't really think of anything that would look like this. "Okay?"

Adam cautiously takes the last few steps down the stairway. Kris carefully doesn't make any sudden movements and keeps smiling, like he believes everything Adam's said so far - which actually he does, sort of. There's going to be an explanation for this, and since it involves Adam, it's probably going to be a little weird and a little funny, but by the end of the day, Kris won't feel like he might be going crazy anymore - he'll just leave here thinking that Adam's life is that.

"We could go to the kitchen for a cup of coffee first?" Adam says, sounding hopeful.

Kris would have said 'no', except that Adam's giving him the puppy eyes and okay, so maybe coffee doesn't sound all that bad.

 

"You bought a robot butler." Of _course_ Adam would buy a robot butler. A human one would never put up with Adam being so ... _Adam_ \- and Kris means that in the nicest way possible.

"Well, I was in Japan, you know," Adam says, all fake casual, like people bring home robot butlers from Japan all the time. (It occurs to Kris that maybe they do - the one Kris has seen certainly looked human enough, aside from that one small little thing.)

"You bought a robot butler _that looked exactly like me_?"

Adam's expression turns a little nervous again. "They had a catalog?" he offers weakly.

Kris thinks about that for a while. "You mean that if I wanted to, I could ... " Kris seriously doesn't need a butler, let alone one that looks like Adam. It'd be all kinds of weird, because sooner or later, Kris knows he'd start to think of it as a real person, a real _Adam_ and once he goes down _that_ road, Kris is pretty sure he's going to end up in way over his head.

"They don't do celebrity look-alikes," Adam says quickly, probably without really thinking about it.

"Ouch." Kris grins and Adam looks as stricken as if _he's_ the one who's just been told he's not that famous - except that that sort of thing has never really bothered Adam, as far as Kris knows.

"I didn't mean - " Adam backpedals hastily. "Kris, you know I didn't - "

"Didn't mean to try and change the subject?"

Adam sighs. "I'm sorry."

"Hey, I can take it." Sometimes, Kris thinks he'd rather have just the music, without all the other stuff that comes with it - except for the part where he plays in front of a live audience, because that's not something he'd want to miss for the world. (Nobody ever said his wishes had to be realistic.)

"I mean, I know it's kind of weird. They just needed me to pick a model and ... " Adam shrugs helplessly. As far as attempts to shift the blame go, it's sort of pathetic.

"And you were missing me like crazy, so you picked the Kris model."

Adam stares at his coffee, mumbling something that doesn't quite succeed in sounding like yup, that's exactly how it happened. He makes Kris feels kind of guilty for being so persistent about the whole thing, which is ridiculous but then, on the other hand, Kris reasons there's not that much to say, when you look at it in a certain way.

So Adam bought a robot that looks like Kris to keep his house clean and serve him coffee. It happened, and Kris figures he's now pretty much gotten a free pass for the next ten weird things he's going to do that have something to do with Adam - either because they really do, or because Adam _makes_ them be about him, instead of about Kris being an idiot. He's Adam's friend; he can cut the guy some slack.

"I think you need a boyfriend or something."

Adam relaxes enough to manage a weak chuckle. "I think I already got the 'or something'."

"You know what I mean," Kris says.

 

When he calls Katy, he's not sure if he really wants to talk about Adam's robot butler; he just casually mentions the visit, making it sound like he'd sort of planned on it all along and then Katy makes this squeaky sort of sound and asks: "Did you see it?" which is - well, okay.

"See what?" Kris isn't sure if he's feigning ignorance or if he's just making sure he's not going to give one of Adam's secrets away by being a blabbermouth.

"You _did_!" Katy says. "Look, Kris, I'm _so_ sorry. It's just - he called me from Japan, and it was in the middle of the night, so I was barely even _awake_ and then in the morning, I just figured it had all been some weird kind of dream. Are you mad at me?"

Kris has no idea what this is all about. He's pretty certain he's feeling mostly confused right now though. "Um, no?"

"Oh. Oh, good," Katy says, and then she's quiet for five seconds before asking: "Why not?"

Adam understands women pretty well most of the time, Kris thinks. When either of them gets confused by the opposite sex, it's usually Kris. "Why would I be mad at you? What did he call you about, anyway?" Maybe he's supposed to be mad at _Adam_ , for calling Katy late at night?

"He uh wanted to make sure they got everything right," Katy says vaguely.

"What everything?"

Katy mumbles something. She reminds Kris of the way Adam acted this afternoon a little. "Honey?"

"The proportions, all right? He wanted to make sure they got the right _proportions_."

"Um," Kris says, still floundering for a good ten seconds before he finally gets it. "Oh. That's ... kind of more than I wanted to know?" Adam's a perfectionist - Kris knows this. It's only logical he would want his robot butler to be perfect, too; a perfect copy of Kris, in this case. It's not _weird_ or anything.

"You _asked_." Katy sounds half-annoyed and half-embarrassed.

She's got a point, Kris supposes. "My bad."

"So, did you guys have a fight or something like that?"

Female logic again. "Why would we have had a fight?"

"Kris," she says, "he had people build a _sexbot_ looking just like you. That doesn't upset you at all? Don't you feel violated? Betrayed? Used? Flattered, maybe?"

"It's ... he didn't ... " Kris stammers, before he takes a deep breath. "It's a robot butler?"

"Oh, _honey_ ," Katy says.

 

The logical thing to do would be to call Adam. Kris opts for the next best thing: another personal visit, because (1) Adam's a much poorer liar when Kris can see his face and (2) it's a lot harder to hit someone when they're not in the same room and own a private jet.

Adam opens the door this time, which is good. "Kris! This is a ... surprise."

"Oh good, so Katy called you already," Kris says, walking inside so Adam can close the door again.

"Um, yes?"

Kris puts on his best 'I'm just a simple guy from Arkansas who likes to hug people' face. After almost six months of late-night conversations and confessions, it still seems to work on Adam, which probably says more about Adam than it does about Kris's acting abilities. "She's got this absolutely crazy idea in her head that that robot you bought was for ... well." Kris the simple guy from Arkansas who likes to hug people doesn't actually say words like 'sex' - not unless he _has_ to. "I mean, that's just _insane_."

Adam opens his mouth, closes it again. He looks guilty and not the least bit like he's thinking that maybe Kris wouldn't have any trouble saying the word 'sex' out loud without blushing.

"What if - " Adam starts, then stops. "I didn't - "

There's something sort of fun about having reduced Adam to near speechlessness, Kris decides. Obviously, it'd be even better if it'd been due to something he'd actually _done_.

"Of course you'd never do something like that," Kris says, barely managing not to grin when Adam turns slightly red and looks even guiltier.

"I - "

"Because if you were interested in me that way, you'd just _ask_ , right?" Kris decides to be merciful. Monologues aren't really his thing anyway, and it's not like they're ever going to get anywhere so long as Adam can't even seem to put more than two words together.

For one moment, Kris thinks he's pushed too far, too fast, but then Adam finally, _finally_ gets it.

"You _knew_! You knew all along!"

Kris really, honestly didn't, but once Katy spelled it out for him, yes, it seemed sort of obvious. "I'm not a complete idiot, you know. Unlike _some_ people."

"It was an impulse buy?" Adam offers. "And I never actually ... "

Kris arches one eyebrow. "You bought what's probably the most expensive sex toy in the world and you never even used it? You really _are_ an idiot."

"It looked like you!" Adam says, which yeah, Kris figured that had been the whole point. "It would have been _weird_."

"The idea of having sex with me is weird?"

Adam comes close to pouting. "The idea of having sex with something that looks like you is, yes. I knew it wasn't you."

"Well," Kris says, taking Adam's hand. "This is me. For real."

Adam doesn't look like he's about to drag Kris upstairs to the bedroom to ravish him. Kris wonders if he's really going to have to do all the work here.

"We could have sex!" Too blunt, maybe; Adam sort of looks like someone's just hit him over the head.

"I don't really put out on first dates?" Adam says weakly.

"You totally do." At least - "You told me you totally do put out on first dates."

"That was when I thought you were, well, married. Unavailable." Adam shrugs helplessly.

Kris stares. It takes a while before Adam actually looks back at him, only when he does, Kris sees nothing in his eyes but the utmost sincerity.

"I can't believe I almost fell for that," Kris says at last.

Adam's turn to grin. "I can."

"You're still an idiot."

"Pot calling the kettle black."

 

Kris figures everything's worked out all right in the end, after all - there's just the small matter of what to with his look alike.

"I could return it?" Adam suggests, looking dubious.

The thought of some stranger acquiring a living, breathing copy of himself sort of bothers Kris. As long as it was Adam, it was kind of okay, but someone he doesn't even know? It feels weird.

"I could return it and ask them to destroy it?"

"You mean kill it?" Kris doesn't like _that_ very much either.

"Technically, it's not alive." Adam looks like he doesn't like the idea of the other Kris being destroyed either, though. "And, I mean, what else am I supposed to do with it?"

Kris doesn't know. He'd like to say it's not his problem, except that it sort of is.

Adam brightens. "Hey, do you think Katy might like it?"

"She'd kill you. And then me, for not having told you what a dumb idea it was."

"I can't _keep_ it," Adam says plaintively.

"Why not?" Kris asks, hesitantly at first, then feeling like he's onto something here. "What's the problem? You know it's not me."

Adam frowns. "But ... "

"It can keep you company while I'm on tour," Kris says, warming up to his idea.

"No." Adam shakes his head. "Absolutely not."

"Okay." Kris gives him that one. "But it could take care of the house - stuff like that."

Adam doesn't look convinced. "I'm not sure ... "

"You worry too much." Happily, Kris knows just the way to make Adam stop doing that, at least for a while. "It'll work just fine. Trust me."


End file.
